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WAKWHS 2- the build up

Posted by on March 18, 2015

Tomorrow we are going to be writing our build up.  This is the part where Simon sets off on his quest.  We will need to combine our setting with showing the character of Simon.  We have completed lots of work on characterisation today so tomorrow, you may want to use your sea setting or maybe you are saving this for a later stage.  Either way, you will need some further scenes as Simon travels on his adventures.  Choose 2 further settings and research some powerful descriptions that you might use.  Add them to the blog to use during your writing.  Settings you might consider: a wood or forest, a castle, a beach, a deserted village, a steep but grassy mountain, an iceberg.

Happy word hunting!

Mrs R

28 Responses to WAKWHS 2- the build up

  1. Kevin Y6

    Standing at the top of the remains of a castle, the knight gazed out towards the valley. The majestic valley. It had trees filled with emerald tinsel and wildlife that are lively and energetic. Often you would see a flock of birds soaring through the sky simultaniously, longing to catch their prey. Simon took a deep breath and soaked in all of this stupendous forest. The sun was shining- focusing its beams on the entire wood.The crystaline water flurosced in the rays. Raising a shield, Simon, gallant and bold, picked up a lance and raised it in the air in confidence. He thought no-one could stop him. A cheesy smirk formed on the crevice on his mouth.
    *New Setting-Beach*
    He clamoured and clashed onto the rigging. His body made an engravement in the moist sand. Slowly the great tide filled his feet with water of all kinds of sorts. All around him was darkness and sand. Something snapped. A shadow formed. As he regained strength he realised it was just bird. Every sound, every movement made him jump in fear. Paranoia crept up his spine. Paralyzed in agitation, he noticed a nook in the rocks. Large enough for a man like him to squeeze in. Gradually, the injured boy crawled in. Nowhere was safe…

    • T.T

      well done Kevin I really like how you have started with Standing at the top of the remains of a castle,

    • y6churchill

      Some powerful word choices here, Kevin. I like your use of many sentence types. Check your use of punctuation. How could you increase the range shown here?

    • Alicia

      * Great description – simultaneously, crystalline water, flurosced.
      * You have used many sentence types.
      (wish) Check your tenses and use a wider variety of punctuation: (?!,;-)

      Overall, a great piece of work.

  2. T.T

    Standing staring at the start of the dark and creepy woods, Simon was worried Lady Arabella was gone and never to be seen again.
    “Lady Arabella” Simon shouted as he through his sword into a massive emerald tree. The emerald tree fell and made it so Simon could get over the huge muddy dirty ditch in the floor.

    • Mrs Rosevear

      Some nice ideas here. You have some speech punctuation missing- can you tell me how to add that please? Also you have used ‘the emerald tree’ twice which becomes quite dull. How could you change this?

  3. Ty1@

    Mysterious Forest

    In the mysterious forest is a ghastly breeze and is full of nasty critters!

    Simon slowly crept towards the eerie forest and heard a shocking scream!

    Endless Beach

    As Simon strolled down the never-ending beach, he could feel the smooth and golden sand in-between his toes.

    When the brave and bold knight stumbled across the majestic beach, he could just about hear the scream of a helpless person in the distance!

    Dark, dingy Castle

    In the dark and gloomy shadows of the castle was hiding…

    In the castle that looked like a haunted house was a dusty chandelier. It was hanging by a thread that you would use to do the most intricate knitting!

    The icy Iceberg

    Just behind the the icy slope that was blocking the golden sun light hid a ferocious beast that would tare your hart out in a heart beat!

    Directly beneath the icy spear lived a mysterious beast that had fins like a colourful birds wings and a body of an electric eel!

    • y6churchill

      Tyla, I love the idea of your penultimate description. I think it would be more powerful if you started with the idea of the blocked sun. Can you do this for me please?

      • Ty1@

        Blocking the golden sun laid a gigantic mountain of ice where a ferocious beast lived that could rip your heart out in a single beat!

    • The Georges!

      we really like all the description that you have put into
      this work. well done but try not to make it to mouthy and long!

  4. C.M

    Wondering hopelessly Simon felt the heat of the sand sinking into his body. The suns burn was oppressive and sweltering put together. His hart began to melt as the suns heat increased. Simon’s hope started to fall during that time he was alone. He started to write a letter to Sir Earl Rees about the progress that has been made.That was his first chose that was even made that instant. As the day went on he had discoverer Lady Arabella’s bracelet that she had dropped.

    New setting:
    Simon finds Lady Arabella in a dark cave strapped up with black and red tied knots. The only problem was that she was surrounded by wild tigers and dragons. He couldn’t find a suitable way around them. A queer looking figure appeared in the bushes beyond him
    ”Come forth.” He commanded, pulling his sword out of his sachet.
    Simon stepped forth but with no response. His heart pounded like the sun went away.

    • y6churchill

      Wow! Some fabulous word choices here. Well done. Remember to keep the use of adjectives and adverbs going all the way through your writing.

  5. Alicia

    He stood, motionless. Simon’s eyes narrowed. A turbulent journey was just ahead of him. A quest. An adventure. This might be his destiny, his future as a knight. The first enemy that he had to face had approached – the labyrinth within the depths of the environment. As soon as Simon stepped through the thickness of the trees, he realised that the end was further than he thought. The soldier realised that he was lost within wildlife. Somewhere in the distance, there was a chirrup of the wild birds. Whistling gently, the breeze blew against Simon’s forehead, calming him slightly. In the distance, the warrior caught a glimpse of smoke on the horizon; a sense of life in the woods. Maybe there was somebody that could help Simon and guide him to Arabella. Eventually, Simon continued his trek towards the fire. Yet,he collided with a dilemma. He met an obstacle that confronted him. Something completely stunned him…

    • y6churchill

      Some powerful word choices here, Alicia. I particularly liked the use of ‘collided’, labyrinth, trek and turbulent. Connectives would help the story ‘flow’ in places. where could you add some to improve this still further?

    • S.H+H.H

      Alicia, we think you can up level this but, ( it was really good )

      The soldier realised that he was lost within wildlife. Somewhere in the distance, there was a chirrup of the wild birds. Whistling gently, the breeze blew against Simon’s forehead, calming him slightly. In the distance, the warrior caught a glimpse of smoke on the horizon; a sense of life in the woods.

      you can up level this by:
      Adding similes and metaphors
      The sense of life in the woods was like a graveyard.
      the sense of life in the woods was like a neatly painted picture.
      Could you add in a rhetorivical question? E.G: can this be better?

  6. RR

    As Simon was setting off, he grabbed his deadly diamond sword and set off for his long quest to find lady Arabella and rescue her from the lost lands of nowhere. The lost lands of nowhere are on the island of death. Most sailors that went there and those that returned alive, were injured and said that there was a ferocious Cyclops defending the island from unknown people. It was believed that the Cyclops had eaten over 500 people and was the enemy of the toughest pirates and sailors.

  7. LB

    A day later, Simon’s throat became parched, his lips chapped and his eyes gradually closing from being awake for 26 hours. Eventually, Simon needed to get some rest so he climbed a small hill and slowly closed his droopy eyelids. And slept. After a while, he awoke feeling much more energetic but suddenly a horrendous looking unicorn came right into his face, it has two eyes extremely far apart from each other. It was a sight no person would like to see. “hi I’m charming as you can see by my dashing looks,” spat Charming who had a very cheesy smile on his ugly looking face…

    To be continued….




    • Maisy , Eliza

      Very good Lucy , we liked it when you left it on a cliff hanger (when you said to be continued. . .. ) next time try and put some information about Simon and say what he can hear , see , smell , touch , taste (five senses)
      E.G :
      As Simon woke up he could smell the fresh smell of daisy’s and daffodils , he could also see the clouds and the brightly colours flowers , the crystals like trees . He could hear the tweeting of the birds and the flowing of the light blue river.

  8. chopper

    He stood on top of the mountain with his head held high and with his mighty sword. He swore to find his love, Lady Arabella, and bring her home safe and sound. As Simon was walking down the mountain, suddenly the rocks came loose and he was trapped under ten ginormous rocks with his leg trapped and turning purple. What was he to do?

    part one

  9. Ali

    In an angelic forest…
    As the absurd man stared through Simons eyes , the sky turned blood red …
    The centaur ripped off the lions head , he screamed , almost as loud as the cry of a new born baby.

    • hollie and lauren

      Nice use of adjectives could you add more depth / suspense to when the centaur rips off the lions head because at the moment the plot is going from being suspenseful to being one sentence to describe what happened in the main event.

  10. Paris R

    In the GLOOMY woods…
    As Simon CREEPED…
    It was a CREDITABLE performance…
    Arabella was wearing a bright CRIMSON dress…
    I could see the APPLE of her eye…

    • ww & lm

      I really like your work Parris but you could improve by adding more.

    • hollie and lauren

      Well done what a great piece of description see if the last line links in/ makes sense.

    • Areebah&RB

      AA= Paris I like how you described the forest and how Simon crept in. you need to improve what does Simon hear in the forest and smell taste.

      RB-Paris I think that you did well Is when you put it in capitals on the other hand I think you shall Improve by not putting so much ellipses next time.

  11. chopper

    part two

    In a split second Simon was fading from life. He grabbed his sword and with his last piece of strength he sliced the rocks in to rubble and lay there until he could gain his strength again.

    What do you think will happen next ?

    • hollie and lauren

      well, we think that this is a great piece of description well done. But you could improve it by saying how he was lying like:

      laying paralyzed waiting, just waiting until he could gain the great strength t
      he had before.

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